It’s one of those moments when I feel the giggle starting in my tummy, bubbling up towards my mouth, and I stop and think, what did I do to get here? Because I want more of it.
I’m just washing dishes, or drying off from a shower. Nothing spectacular has happened, no good news or monumental occasion on the horizon. It’s that inner spark of joy, one that just is.
My mind starts racing – is it because of a new supplement? The stretching routine I tried out this morning? Maybe because I slept better last night than usual? What did I do to make that happen? And so on.
Then I have to remind myself to stop. Just stop.
Can I replicate this feeling by following the exact approach I took to get here? Probably not. Because feelings, emotions, physical reactions are all based on a multitude of things, several of which are completely out of my control.
Is this to say that I can’t take control of my health and well-being? Of course not. Doing things that feed my body, my mind, and my soul undoubtedly add to that bubbling giggle, allowing it to rise more often and for longer periods of time.
But to think I can hold onto this feeling, to manifest it at will, degrades all of the other feelings that are a part of the human emotional spectrum. And damn, do we spend SO MUCH TIME trying to push away so many of our emotions.
We are beyond addicted to trying to feel good all of the time. Even much of spirituality these days is all based in pushing away the ‘bad’ in favor of constant ecstasy – focus on the positive, the law of attraction, happy yoga. These approaches are not bad in and of themselves (there is plenty of good to focus on in most of our lives, and we often overlook it), but they can crush the truth of sadness, pain, anger, frustration that are not only necessary aspects of the human emotional spectrum, but are there also to teach us lessons that aid in our growth.
The point is to experience whatever emotion arises, and then keep on keeping on.
The trouble comes in when we either try and hold on to an emotion, or push it down and act as if it doesn’t exist. Sometimes, we need to witness it for a bit longer than we’d like, listen for the message it is trying to give us, but ultimately, process it without holding on or strangling it.
The letting go.
So I smiled, turned on an episode of RISK!, and kept washing the dishes.